The Page – September 14, 2022

The world has lost a truly special woman.
Queen Elizabeth died Sept. 8. Many may not like the monarchy but this is not the time for that debate. Instead, The Page shares the wise and appropriate words of the Association for Life-wide Living of Alberta:
“The second Elizabethan era is over. In the hours and days to come, we will learn what it means and how to do what is needed. There are flags at half mast; outpourings of personal appreciation; ceremonies will unspool; bells will toll. But for now, there is unease, pathos, emotion, and uncertainty amidst ritual, pageantry and love.
“It is hard to imagine the Commonwealth of Nations without Queen Elizabeth II because almost everyone has only known our own country with her.
“The end of her reign at 96 is marked with superlatives. Elizabeth II was the oldest and longest-reigning monarch. She was featured on more currencies than another living figure.
“God rest her soul – blessed be her memory. May her influence live on and grow. May we each find better ways to be as people, as Canadians, and as citizens of the world.
“God save the King Charles III.”

The Page figures the biggest bummer over the death of the Queen is – ready for this! – the possibility that King Charles’ picture will eventually find its way onto Canadian currency!
There can be no better reason to outlaw money than that! VISA and Mastercard must be planning ad campaigns as we speak. The thought of carrying around King Charles’ photo in The Page’s wallet makes him reach for the Pepto Bismal!
What’s the old saying: having a face only a mother could love!

How low can you go?
On Aug. 31, Grande Prairie RCMP received a report of an InMotion electric scooter being stolen from outside a Walmart store.
The Page figures all theft is bad theft but stealing a scooter! No doubt its owner needs it very badly to get around.
It reminds The Page of a case in High Prairie youth court years ago. A boy was in court and pleaded guilty to several thefts. The boy’s lawyer asked Judge R.P. Smith what was needed.
“Stronger locks on the doors!” quipped Judge Smith.
Honest, this really happened!
And, sadly, in some cases, what is needed.

Two wives are having an evening coffee discussing the work their husbands do.
“Mine is an efficiency expert in a large office,” boasted one woman.
“That’s nothing, I do the same thing at home,” said the other woman. “Except my husband calls it nagging!”

The husband came home smelling of alcohol and in a foul mood.
“I suppose you’re going to tell me you were with a sick friend all night holding his hand,” snapped the wife.
“Dear,” said the husband. “If I was holding his hands all night I would have made a lot of money!”

A man was pleading with his girlfriend to marry him.
“Will you marry me?” he pleaded.
“No,” she said. “But I do admire your good taste in women!”

The local police arrested a suspect on excessive speeding and brought him down to the station for booking.
“What is your name?” asked the officer.
“Bill Smith,” replied the suspect.
“Give me your real name,” ordered the officer.
“OK, it’s Jesus Christ!”
“That’s better,” said the officer. “I’m not rookie. You can’t fool me with that Bill Smith stuff!”

A woman was in court for assaulting her husband.
“Why did you hit your husband with a broom?” asked the judge.
“I didn’t want to dent my pots and pans,” replied the woman.

A few couples gathered for dinner and began arguing who could keep a secret best: men or women.
“I’ve kept my age a secret since I was 26,” said one woman.
“That’s impossible,” said one man. “You will let it out some day. It’s only a matter of time.”
“Never,” said the woman. “I’ve already kept it a secret for 15 years!”

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