The Page – May 1, 2024

The Page’s sage advice of the week: Never go to a weight loss clinic where are the owners are sumo wrestlers!

The Page is so cheap he goes to the movies by himself so he doesn’t have to share popcorn!

The Page is confused. Each time he goes to the bar happy hour suddenly ends! Hmmm!

The Page is even more confused!
How come you see less and less milk cardboard containers and more plastic containers? I thought we were getting away from plastic?

We see the Alberta government is rejecting what it calls an unconstitutional cap on plastic production.
Minister of Environment and Protected Areas Rebecca Schulz says, “Every modern convenience and necessity is either made from or contains plastic, from surgical gloves to your iPhone . . . despite this (the federal government) has announced (they) intend to cap the production of plastics in Canada.”
Schulz calls the move “a slap in the face to Alberta and our province’s petrochemical industry, and the thousands of Albertans who work in it,” and “plastics production is a grown part of Alberta’s economy. . .”
She adds if Alberta produces less plastic products, China will simply produce more and the net result will not be less plastic use. She could be right.
But somehow, we have to stop plastics pollution in this world.
The Page is all for trying to figure out a way to use less plastics but admits to being selfish.
“Those wooden straws drive me crazy! They get all soggy before I finish my slush!”
A suggestion: maybe a few less slushes?

The Page was having coffee the other morning at A&W (shameless plug for owner Louise Owens) when a distinguished gentlemen told him that the human brain remembers only the important things.
The Page has no idea who he was talking to?

Researchers from Mr. Rooter Canada did a study to find out how much water Canadians drink. Findings were passed along to this publication.
Alarming to discover is every province drinks less than the recommended amount of 1,372 mL per day.
Nova Scotia is the more dehydrated province, drinking 575 mL less than one should while stubble jumpers in Saskatchewan drink the most – 1,233 ml per day, but still not enough.
They also revealed Nestle Pure Water is the most popular brand narrowly edging out Aquafina and Dasani.
The Page likes his High Prairie tap water and Smart water.
Anyway, drink up, everyone! Enjoy some wine or beer but don’t forget the water!

Alberta released its list of most popular baby names for 2023!
Olivia and Noah top the list – again!
Olivia tops the list for the 11th straight year. The Page sees all the confused teachers years from now. Roll call! Olivia number one! Olivia number two. Olivia number three in each classroom!
Noah is tops for the fifth straight year.
Some of the “plant” names chosen were Ivy, Rose, Juniper, Poppy, Azalea, Wren, River, Meadow and Flora. Religious names include Eve, Noah, Mohammed and Gabriel. Pop culture names included Aretha, Lennon, Presley, Hendrix and fairy tale names like Tiana, Jasmine, Aurora, Ariel and Belle.
Ironically, The Page stumbled across a list of names banned in New Zealand. We do not want to pick on the Kiwis because every country does ban certain names.
Prince dethroned King for the first time in 13 years. You have to give the Kiwis credit for perseverance. They keep trying to name their kids Prince or King but are denied by the government.
Other names banned? Messiah, Princess, Rogue, Sovereign, Captain, Isis, Chief, Empress, Pope, Notoriety and Fanny were rejected. Fanny is slang in New Zealand for female genitalia.
Others you might find surprising are Judge, Justice, Justus, KC, Knight, Queen, and XIX. Who would name their kid XIX?

Have a great week, everyone!
Hope it is better than Norm Peterson on Cheers when he said, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear!’

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