The Page – June 8, 2022

Did you hear about the man who went to Gambler’s Anonymous?
He only attended meetings for 18 months but at least he won the bet with his friend he would last over a year!

Did you hear about the man who was complaining about his obnoxious neighbour?
Now you know Canada feels!

Did you hear about the dumb guy who was smooching with his girlfriend on the couch?
“Let’s take this into the bedroom,” she says with a twinkle in her eye.
“OK,” he says. “I’ll take this end, you take the other!”

Last week, The Page wrote about former M.D. of Big Lakes public works Supt. David Lainchbury, and his concerns about the quality of water in Lesser Slave Lake, and by extension, all water in all streams and rivers in the Peace Country.
Lainchbury proposed a “half cup challenge.” He thinks local politicians and environment watchdogs, paid or otherwise, should drink a half-cup of water from streams, rivers and lakes. You know, just to prove everything is on the up and up with municipal waste treatment, septic fields, lagoons, mounds and all the ways bad bugs can get into the water supply.
Now we have former Big Lakes County [former M.D. of Big Lakes] Councillor Donald Bissell chiming in. We quote him:
“Why is Big Lakes County allowed to contaminate farmland by releasing a sewage lagoon and allowing the effluent to run upstream? I complained about this before and nobody even came out to check it out. It looks like one level of government is just covering for another.”

Like most everyone else, The Page loves his KD [Kraft Dinner]. It is why a survey of the top seven macaroni and cheese dishes caught his eye. To show how far off in the woods we are, KD was the only recognizable brand name in the top seven and it placed third. Perhaps The Page should try another brand?
Others in the top five were:
Cabot Bacon Cheddar.
Annie’s Shells & White Cheddar.
Trade Joe’s M&C with Wisconsin Cheddar.
Cheetos Bold & Cheesy M&C.

The Page was bewildered the other day when American sports journalist Mike Wilbon said he never tried to eat a banana.
Magilla Gorilla would not be impressed!

The Page almost died laughing last week when he saw an old Family Feud show.
Setting this up for you, there were two all-female teams. The question was, “What part of a woman’s body is bigger than a man’s?”
The first team nailed the first three: the butt, chest and thighs. After three guesses, they struck out on the fourth answer and it went to the other team to try and “steal” the points. The oldest woman on the other team was captain and provided her answer: brains!
Host Steve Harvey lost it. He was laughing so hard he bent over and tried to compose himself. After joking brains had better not be up there, the answer was disclosed.
“Ding!” Brains was correct!
Classic! Take that, guys!

The amazing thing about having a dog is even though neither of you speak the same language, you develop a deep connection you will not get with another human.

Do not know what part of Canada this came from but here it is:
In 2015 the average price of gasoline was $1.02 a litre and now it is $2.02. In 2015, an average house cost $282,229 but now it is $793,222. In 2015, there was no carbon tax but now we pay 11 cents per litre. In 2015, inflation was 1.13 per cent but now it is 6.7 per cent. Canada’s debt in 2015 was $612 billion but now it is over $1 trillion.
Heck of a job that Justin Trudeau is doing!

A billionaire is throwing a lavish party. He leads his guest to a pool in the back where it is filled with sharks, piranhas and alligators. He announces he will give $1 million to anyone who can swim across the pool.
Silence falls upon the crowd. No one dares risk his life even for a million dollars.
Suddenly, a splash is heard. The horrified people look into the pool to see a man frantically swimming away from sharks and alligators, and batting away piranhas as he crosses the pool. Finally, he reaches the other end with only a bit of blood flowing from a few bites, but alive. The crowd cheers!
“Son, I am a man of my word,” says the billionaire. “You have won the money.”
“Hell, I don’t want the money,” says the man still gasping for breath. “I just want the name of the idiot who pushed me in!”

Advise for a pessimistic person: Read the last few pages of a book first so you know the ending in case you die!

Does anyone miss Don Cherry during hockey broadcasts!
Cherry was in the news lately. Someone is starting a petition to have Cherry named to the Order of Canada.
Please email The Page at this newspaper with your thoughts.

Gold star to Big Lakes County for putting names and contact numbers of all councillors in hamlet newsletters!

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