The Page – December 21, 2022

Last few days to shop for Christmas! Please support local!

The Page is still accepting anonymous Christmas gifts at the office.
So far, the office has not been exactly been flooded with gifts. Staff even checked with nearby Glamour & Gear and The High Prairie Vision Centre to see if presents were dropped off by mistake. Rats!
Hmmm! Perhaps The Page should be little nicer?

The Page knows crime never takes a holiday, even during Christmas.
We hear about Christmas lights being stolen in McLennan and High Prairie the last two years. The Page is sure there are other thefts at private homes. The lights must be beckoning to thieves, saying, “Take me! Take me!”
Very sad!
This item comes from Fort Saskatchewan RCMP, who arrested a suspect in connection with the theft of poppy boxes during the Royal Canadian Legion’s annual Poppy Campaign. Perry Chernish, 59, faces five charges of theft under $5,000. He has not been arrested as of Dec. 12 but police issued a warrant for his arrest.
The Page reminds everyone that charges are allegations.
Really, however. How low can one go? Stealing from poppy boxes and Christmas lights? The scum of the Earth, in The Page’s opinion.

Advances in Christmas lights are “illuminating” in The Page’s opinion. Sorry for the bad pun!
Years ago, when the big bulbs existed, youth loved to pop them like popcorn. They would literally explode. It was a never-ending battle for the High Prairie Community Beatification Association to replace them in the High Prairie Civic Square.
Today, the LED lights are superior to those sold even five years ago. Brighter, shinier, sharper. How much better can they get?
And, less prone to vandalism. Stealing, yes, but breaking them, no!

It has been talked about for years, but looking like it may finally be coming to reality!
Rodeo could be Alberta’s official sport next year.
Camrose MLA Jackie Lovely tabled Bill 205 in the Albert Legislature which would give rodeo its special distinction.
The Page figures this is an excellent choice. Rodeo is a sport enjoyed by the entire province, with rodeos held everywhere. Participants come from all ages and its connection to the western way of life makes it a natural fit.

The Page has sent a letter to Santa advising him of gifts people need. The Page shares his satirical list with you.
Canadian PM Justin Trudeau: a broken mirror for Mr. Vanity!
Former Alberta premier Jason Kenney: A political party to lead without backstabbers, plus fewer MLAs with knives to twist in his back.
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith: a rewind button for her last speech.
Alberta NDP Leader Rachel Notley: a mute button for the public to use during her speeches and a doll that incessantly whines! Plus a gold microphone for her to use!
Former Lesser Slave Lake MLA Danielle Larivee: a seat in the Legislature but with any party than NDP.
Current Lesser Slave MLA Pat Rehn: retirement. In Mexico! And take Jason Kenney with you!
Former Alberta chief medical officer of health Dr. Deena Hinshaw: permanent status in a witness protection program so we never have to hear from her again.
Central Peace – Notley MLA Todd Loewen: true respect from the UCP.
The Alberta NDP: any respect from Alberta voters.
The Edmonton Elks: a home win or a new schedule with only away games.
The Edmonton Oilers: free psychiatric lessons on how to play in your own end and a Christmas party where the forwards can meet the defenceman.
The Calgary Flames: a demotion to the Greater Metro Hockey League where they might stand a chance of winning.
The North Peace Hockey League: a return by the High Prairie Regals and Lakeland Eagles.
The Falher Pirates: Consistency!
All Peace Minor Hockey League teams: Travel vouchers for discounted gas prices from all the ridiculous travel they have to endure each season.
The CBC: unlimited funds to run their black hole enterprise. Wait! They have that already!

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