The Page – April 24, 2024

Yahoo! The Stanley Cup playoffs are here!
The Page is disappointed because his Montreal Canadiens are once again watching from the sidelines. Sigh! Oh well, next year country for Habs’ fans!
Canada’s hopes this year hinge on the Edmonton Oilers, Vancouver Canucks and Winnipeg Jets.
And – cough, cough! – Toronto Maple Leafs! Yeah, right!
The Page thinks the Cup can return to Canada this year. The field is wide open for many teams to win. Since Edmonton has the best player (Connor McDavid) why not?
One of these years, things have to eventually break right for a Canadian team. Edmonton has brought in a heavy veteran presence with guys who have won Cups before. Maybe they can steer McDavid and Company to the title.
The Page’s fearless prediction; Edmonton to defeat Florida in six games. The Stanley Cup comes back to Canada!

The Page was watching a TV show last week about young boys in the Amazon participating in a ritual to manhood. It involved placing their hands in a glove filled with bullet ants.
For those not aware, one bite from a bullet ant is painful. To have to endure 10 minutes and many bites can be extremely painful, but not as painful as watching Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s latest news conference.
What is even more interesting is that scientists have discovered the tribes who practice this ritual have lower cancer rates and live longer. As we speak, scientists are studying the possible value of bullet ant venom as a cancer fighter.
Wouldn’t that be incredible? A vaccine against cancer?
Stay tuned!

The Page enjoys reading Druthers newspaper. You may see it circulating in your community. One thing you have to admit, the paper does present a different point of view not covered by mainstream media.
The Page notes an article citing a story claiming that vaccination rates are decreasing rapidly in Canada. Since, of course, COVID-19.
This lowly scribe supports freedom of choice but admits to getting the COVID shot. The reason: every time he got the flu shot, he avoided the flu the following winter. It seemed to work.
Being an “oldtimer” by today’s standards, The Page got many immunization shots as a kid. Back in the – ahem! – late 1960s and early 1970s shots were given at schools. Teachers just lined up the kids to get jabbed. There was no great outcry.
Times have changed!

What is the difference between bird flu and swine fly?
To cure them, one gets tweetment and one gets oinkment!

Did you hear about the Canadian survey that asked the question, “Would you please give us your opinion on where you can find the most honest politicians in Canada?”
The survey was a huge failure.
In Atlantic Canada, they did not know what “honest politician” meant. In Quebec, too many respondents refused to reply because they did not want to be part of Canada. In British Columbia, they did not know what “please” meant. In the Prairie Provinces, people refused to answer because they felt they had no representation. And people in Ontario felt no other regions existed in Canada.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A politician!

You know you are having a bad day when you are a bat, you go to sleep and have diarrhea!

What food diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90 per cent?
A wedding cake!

A jerk at the bar was teasing a young woman.
“I don’t know why you bother wearing a bra,” he smirks.
She just bats her eyes and smiles.
“Same reason you wear pants!”

A woman’s husband dies and leaves $100,000 to his wife. After the funeral, she tells her best friend she has no money left.
“How can that be? she asks.
“Well, after paying the funeral home, the priest, the church, the caterer, and the plot, there was only $60,000 left. That’s what the memorial stone cost.”
“My God,” says her friend. “How big was that memorial stone?”
“About seven carats,” she says.

Did you hear about the guy who married Miss Right?
He did not know her first name was Always!

In the garden of Eden, Adam goes up to God and says he wants a perfect mate.
“Well,” says God. “OK, but it will cost you a kidney, a smaller heart and your IQ will have to decrease by 25 per cent!”
“Hmm,” says Adam. “What can I get for a rib?

Have a great week!

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