Years ago, I attended my Uncle Walter Luka Jr.’s funeral. I was standing beside his father, Walter Luka Sr., paying respect over the casket.
“You know,” he told me. “That should be me laying in there. This just isn’t right.”
When you’re young, you tend not to think of such matters. As we age, there is a natural progression in life. The old are supposed to die first and the young left to mourn. When that progression is disturbed, it is unsettling because – well – it just isn’t right. Children are supposed to lay their parents to rest, not the other way around.
For the most part, I have been very lucky. Both my grandparents lived into my twenties. I wasn’t so lucky with my father, who died at age 49. A young man. My mother lived until she was 83.
Easter Sunday was a horrible day beyond imagination. The day my best friend, Cynthia, suddenly passed away. A young woman of 52. To say the last two months have been a struggle is an understatement. As my grandfather said, it just isn’t right.
Sometimes life is not fair. Cynthia had many terrific years ahead of her. They were taken away from her in an instant. Condolences to her immediate family during this time of sorrow.
In past columns, I have shared the wise writings of Pastor Chris Levan, who wrote the following many years ago. I read it at dear Cynthia’s Celebration of Life.
“There was once this great preacher who said once that the only comfort he heard at the untimely death . . . was that God’s tears were the first to flow. In living and dying, we are never alone. God is already there waiting.”
Levan is offering comfort through faith. Many of us will rely on our faith during such times.
Each one grieves differently. When faced with such an ordeal, we all have to search for an answer that satisfies us. As Levan also wrote, perhaps the struggle to find an answer will be enough.
As I grieve the last two months, I have found it both interesting and fascination. Many, many people have extended advice and comfort. I am especially grateful to the Filipino community. Many have been so kind. Every thought has been taken to heart and appreciated. These thoughts extended to me are coming from their hearts. Many of them are also grieving over this tragic loss.
Two friends of mine shared a common thought.
“Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to grieve.”
In other words, open up. Talk about it, as much as it hurts. Know there is support. Do not bottle your emotions inside until you explode. Hopefully, this will help arrive at an answer that lessens the pain.
One of these friends had also lost her husband years ago. She was very adamant to open up no matter how difficult.
I have done my share of reading on grief. There is no right way, and no wrong way. Everyone has to arrive at an answer. I am very envious of the people who seem to move on quickly. They accept what has happened and get on with life.
Me? I guess I am wired differently. Everyone has to sort this out for themselves. In doing so, please seek support. You never know when the right answer will come that allows you to move on with life in a productive way. It never means you forget, it just means you appreciate what you had.
Cynthia’s son, Mark, had such a lovely line at the Celebration of Life. Cynthia was a sister, aunt, and friend to many.
“I got to call her mom!” Mark said.
And I got to call her a friend!
My best friend!
I was truly blessed!
Chris Clegg